Another Open Letter....

Jeromy suggested I dumb this down to:

"HEY, HOSER! TAKE OFF, EH?"

I, however, wrote this:




Keyed Car Causes Questions

An Open Letter to the Person who Keyed My Parents’ Car in the Balfour Golf Course Parking Lot:

Boy, did you ever pick the wrong car.

But first, some questions. Namely: why? After a slight interrogation, I have discovered that my congenial, laid-back parents didn’t park too close to you. They can’t recall stepping in your putting line on a green or failing to rake a bunker on the course during a golf game celebrating their 33rd wedding anniversary this past Sunday, July 22. Neither one of them remembers a run-in with you near the pro-shop or the restroom.

And then, it dawned on us. It must have been their license plate.

Yes, the Subaru Outback that they drive is branded by an Idaho license plate. An American license plate. It was parked next to two other cars with Idaho license plates; cars belonging to the two other couples that went on this recent golfing odyssey with them. But here’s the thing: if you would have taken an extra ten seconds to ponder a more thorough destruction—weighing your options in the short time it would have taken to circumnavigate the entire vehicle rather than just damage the drivers’ side-- something may have caught your eye. You might have noticed the Subaru Outback you so violently defaced was purchased at a dealership in Calgary, Alberta. Would that have caught your attention?

Maybe that would have made you stop and think. Because you did, in fact, pick the wrong car. Of the three American cars you had to choose from, you picked the car belonging to a Canadian couple who has, for the lack of a better term, begrudgingly spent the last 20 years in the United States, brought here by a job transfer and kept here by the promise of retirement, which is a mere five years away. You picked the car of a couple who spends thousands of dollars every year touring your beautiful country, playing golf and making friends with locals all over the lower interior of British Columbia… people you may very well know. You picked the car of a couple who plans to retire to your area and finally return to the place that they still call “home.” And, most importantly, you picked the car of a couple who has chosen to keep their Canadian citizenship despite living in the United States these past twenty years, therefore rendering them helpless to have a say in this country’s political decisions that you so clearly loathe.

Would that have made you choose to let their car be? Would that have made you stop and think and refrain from not only causing thousands of dollars worth of damage, but from taking the additional step of leaving (and this is quite a ridiculous touch, by the way) a note with the word “***hole” written on it under their windshield wiper? Would it have?

For now, we prefer to think of this little note as a calling card. Because you are the one deserving of this title. Your simple-mindedness and ignorance can only be described as the behavior of an “***hole.” But unlike you, we know that your individual opinions, views and actions are not representative of an entire province or an entire country… just as my parents’ political views and opinions can not be ascertained by the license plate that happens to be attached to their Canadian car. The car that they bought with American dollars earned in the United States, but spent in your country, benefiting the Canadian economy. And since we all seem to be jumping to conclusions here: yes. I acknowledge that I too may be seen as jumping to conclusions: that such a destructive act was predicated by the mere presence of an American license plate. But this is the only conclusion that we can draw from the events of that beautiful day.

In closing, please let me say that the bewilderment of such a degrading, senseless act to such a harmless and un-American couple will fade with time. My parents will eventually retire in your general area, and I’m sure in the coming year and years ahead will continue to spend their time and treasure in your beautiful, friendly country.

That will probably have to wait a few months, however. Right now, they have a car to fix.

Regards,
Angela Miller, Bend Oregon